Month: January 2004

About a year ago, a serious study was publicised that concluded that the type of animals and pets that men have had during their youth reflected upon their abilities as lovers in later life. Men who had grown up with cats scored the highest on the scale of sensual abilities, because the tender caressing and fondling of their cats, as opposed to the rougher patting and stroking with dogs, was something that they had learned to do by instinct when they were young.
Reading a recent article about the sociological differences between PC-users and Macintosh users, all of a sudden things started to connect.
Finally, after thorough research and long hours of study I have found the undeniable evidence that the choice of computer by male users directly interacts with their abilities as a lover, with the irrevocable bottom line conclusion that Macintosh-adept males are far better lovers that PC-oriented males.

The reasons for this very clear distinction is the way men interact with their systems: PC-users have become used to punching keys only. They just repeat this simple tapping movement in an monotonous rythm. Even if they are typing with both hands, the still can only hit one key at the time, while the reach of their combined hands is restricted to an area of no more than about 17 by 5 inches, which are the dimensions of an average keyboard.

Mac-users, however, will also push some keys, but in addition they have learned, when using their mouse, how to make smooth stroking moves on a regular basis. Furthermore, they will have a wider area of reach, since their hands will not only roam upon the limited area of their keyboard, but will extend their reach significantly with the extra dimension of their mouse mat. Another fact is that pushing a mouse button with a finger is a far more softer stroking gesture than just punching another key. Finally: PC-users normally have to push and punch their ENTER key on a far more regular basis, while Mac-users simply move their mouse cursor with a fluent movement to the required position and then stroke their mouse button with a soft touch of one finger.

Mac-lovers are also used to concentrate on the whole screen, paying as much attention to the top, where their pull-down menu’s are located, as to the icons and window edges in the middle and bottom of the screen. PC-users are conditioned to look only at the position of their cursor or prompt, which is mostly at the bottom of their screen.

Conclusion:(and check this out ladies!):

PC-lovers will punch and hit with full force only within a very limited area, always ending up in pushing the same buttons with an irritating and unvarying rhythm. Mac-lovers however, will move their hands fluently and sensually over a much wider area and will tenderly touch you with their fingers while doing so, varying the places and amounts of the required pressure.

PC-lovers will always grope blindly for the CONTROL/BREAK button in case they get confused by your overwhelming reactions, or (even worse) punch CONTROL-ALT-DEL in case they think you got stuck somewhere in the process, while Mac-lovers will gently move one hand up, not to speak about the sensuous movement of a rolling trackball, and use their instinctive pull-down routine.

PC-lovers have been forced to go through inches of manuals before they can get going, while a Mac-lover simply starts up and will by intuition know how and when to do the right thing.
And finally: Mac-lovers are used to observe the complete picture in front of them, from top to bottom, while PC-users are conditioned to pay attention only at the object they can see blinking at the bottom: you know, that &172;C:-thing&172;.

Now, some may protest that the above applies to PC-DOS-lovers only, while PC-Windows-lovers should have the same abilities that Mac-lovers have.
Yeah, sure: from something made by a company whose name stands for “tiny and flaccid” ?!

And after all, let’s be honest ladies, from the beginning of time you have always preferred Apples: Nobody ever bothered to offer Adam a Window……