"Men are smarter than women. Animals that are more intelligent take longer to mature and animals that are more playful are judged more intelligent. Thus, for example, we judge a dolphin more intelligent than an insect because it knows how to play. Women mature quickly and turn serious when they are very young. Men take longer to mature and remain more playful than women, ergo they are more intelligent."
"Women are in fact the root of all evil. The world was a nice place until 7000 years ago when women became moral. Still, if you have to get married, make sure it is with a young girl. A man of 35 is a good match for girl of 18 or 19 because men mature later. Men who love to cry, suffer, change diapers, and say `I’m sorry’ are really women. Every time a man says `sorry’ is bullshit. Don’t ever admit error because it changes your hormones.
Man’s great weakness is willingness to obey his wife. This the only sin for which a man may not be forgiven by God. It says so in the Bible. God’s punishment is forcing him to work, something I have not done since 1968.
Men know they are stupid, but women take them seriously. Women love work and think men ought to even though men hate to. You cannot please women, if you agree with them they despise you for being a wimp, if you don’t, they hate you…
"I have tried so hard to be humble, but something inside tells me `lucky you.’ It is not just because I live here in God’s own country. I wake up in the night thinking `I might have been born Chinese, Jewish, African or even… American. It is almost unthinkable, but I might have been born a woman.’
"Adam was the worst man in the history of the world. Why? Because he obeyed his wife and had kids. Jesus was the best man in the history of the world. Why? Because he had no kids, lived off young women, told them he was God’s gift to them and they believed him. Check your Bible: women adored Jesus and touched his hair.
Right now I’m going to offer blanket forgiveness to all the women in the audience who have nagged men to death. Step forward if you want forgiveness."
